Unfaithfulness

There are a lot of things i don't understand in this world. One of those things is Infidelity. 

I do have issues when it comes to third-party relationships. As early as Grade 3, I have been exposed to unfaithfulness. I remembered locking myself in the bathroom and thinking how i could burn my father's mistress' house. I was young then; i didn't know where she lived. But i only have one thing in mind- burning her house down. Though i am not from a broken family, seeing my mother in pain, not just once, but countless times, I promised myself I will never be that home/relationship-wrecking person.  Aside from it being an imoral act, i know how hard it is to be caused by such pain. Thus, I ask the lord not to put me in that position.

Don't get me wrong, I do not judge people because they are paramours, but I just don't get why people are just do damn selfish and insensitive. Break up with him first you know before you go into something new with someone. It may hurt, but at least, you respected him by not two-timing and letting him look like a fool.

They say, "Love knows no boundaries." But shouldn't Love be kind and good, not just to the couple, but for those people around them? Love should not go beyond what is right and wrong for it to be kind and sincere, not just for the people around, but for the couple, and most especially God. 

Anyway, i wouldn't want to understand it, because understanding it would mean i have to be in that position. And i wouldn't want to be in that position. So i guess, there are just selfish people in this world. I'm not saying i'm not selfish. I can be selfish, but not to the point of stepping on other people. 

Point is: Live a life where you don't step on other people. 

Because I let you In.

Now i know why i'm having a hard time letting go. 

I have only a few friends- my highschool friends, college friends, friends from work. I am the type of person who doesn't easily let people in. And if i do, there are certain levels of where they stand. It hurts because i gave you access to everything. You had the superuser/root access. I opened up my life to you. And now, i'm having a hard time letting go. 

But in time, I will be okay. 

The End

There are a lot of things i want to say to you. But it doesn't and will not matter to you anymore. So i will just have to keep it all to myself and bury them as time goes by.


You are the first; and I used to believe, you are the greatest. I used to think of you as my soulmate. Thank you for everything. 


Farewell. 

To a new Beginning

I choose to be happy for others.

Repeat 1,000 times!

May 1, i shall start a new chapter of my life 

:(

I know i've said that i will try not to be angry anymore. But i can't seem to stop the hurt from coming back, over and over again.
Its just not fair. When you're there, all happy; i'm here, crying all over again, just like the first time. I don't want and am not asking for you to live the sorry and sad life. But am i really not worth the truth? You could've saved me from all the pain i'm having right now, but you didn't. And sorry is just not enough.


I do not want to question God, but it makes me ask, do i really deserve this?  I know i'm not the perfect person anyone can have and i know i have a lot of flaws, but do i really deserve all this pain i'm feeling right now? Ever since, I've been trying to live a fair life. I am not perfect, but i've been living a straight life- A life where i believe i've been understanding, generous and sensitive to others. And this is what i get? 


Everything i've done to you, pain is what you repay me.  And i question myself, is that all that i'm worthy of?


I just cant stop myself from being angry. Not with anything else but for causing me this much pain. 

People

There are two kinds of people in our lives. 1- those who go in and out are the types who are born with a purpose, and 2- those who stay with you are the types who are born for a purpose and stand up to that purpose.


Well, some people are born to make you cry, disappoint you, make you angry. And others are born to correct that mistake. 

Goodbye, Friend

After being angry, i woke up one day and realized i'm tired of all the drama and anger. I am thankful for all the things you've done to me and all the learnings i have gained. I do hope you learned a lot from me as well.


I just miss the friend i used to say stories to. I miss the times when I have someone to rant things about. And you'd just listen and sympathize.


But i guess, that person/friend is gone now. And I know I have to move on. But why is it so hard to do so? I wish and want for this dilemma to end soon...