Thankful

     In my 23 years of existence, I have never been a religious person. I don't know, but i love Math and Science more than my C.E. classes during my elementary and hs days. Do not get me wrong, it is something that i am NOT proud of. I guess i just have a different belief of being religious. 

What is that belief? I think being religious is doing good deeds in one's daily life. Being the example and following His good deeds is being religious. 

I remember once my CE teacher in highschool said that not going to the church every Sunday is a sin. And until now, i've been asking the million dollar question: WHY??? 

Tell me to go to church every Sunday, tell me to pray the rosary everyday... Aren't those merely routines? And besides, I know a lot of people who go to church constantly and pray the rosary everyday, but they are the ones who commit unreligious things. I may have this weird belief, but i don't question those who are "religious." 

     However, no matter how unreligious i may be, I can confidently say that I AM FAITHFUL. I do believe in God and in all His ways. Faith for me is my relationship with Him. I may at times, miss to pray and speak with Him, but i make sure that whenever we talk, i keep it spiritual and sincere. 

It has been said in the Bible that God loves all His children equally. But I believe that He loves me more, and i know that He favors me! (HAHAHAHA!!! AKO NA ANG FEELER) - JOKE!!! :) But seriously, I really feel His presence in my life every now and then. It just amazes me when I think of doing something, and I end up with the opposite. Then i realize, the opposite is the good and right thing for me. Is amazes me that He let it all happen smoothly for me. Isn't that just an amazing and good feeling??

There are times when I lose faith and question the events in my life. But He never fails to amaze me. He makes me feel safe. Lord, I am a great fan. I am your tool to fulfill your purpose. I will always be thankful. 

ImPerfect.

Someone once told me that I don't need to be perfect. And at that time, i wanted to slap that person and say, "do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?" HAHA. DUH. I KNOW THAT!!!

Knowing myself, I am far from perfect. And i don't intend to be one. I simply want to be the best that i can be. 

Best I can be. How do i even do that? So that is what i have to find out... 

The art of Letting Go...

I have read somewhere that letting go is letting things be. 

The excerpt goes something like:

"When you find yourself attached, remember that ‘letting go’ is not ‘getting rid of’ or ‘throwing away’. If I’m holding onto this clock and you say, ‘Let go of it!’, that doesn’t mean ‘throw it out’. I might think that I have to throw it away because I’m attached to it, but that would just be the desire to get rid of it. We tend to think that getting rid of the object is a way of getting rid of attachment. But if I can contemplate attachment, this grasping of the clock, I realise that there is no point in getting rid of it - it’s a good clock; it keeps good time and is not heavy to carry around. The clock is not the problem. The problem is grasping the clock. So what do I do? Let it go, lay it aside - put it down gently without any kind of aversion. Then I can pick it up again, see what time it is and lay it aside when necessary."

It is time to let IT go. And letting it go also means embracing one's 

present situation, 

one's fate. And so, i shall. 

The only thing hindering me from embracing this world is the experience of it all and realizing how good it is to be free. And the only thing failing me to let go, is the resistance to embrace that world, a world different from which i long for. 

It feels like I am nothing but a prisoner in this golden cage. But it is time to love this "haven" and embrace this life because I belong here. 

Unfaithfulness

There are a lot of things i don't understand in this world. One of those things is Infidelity. 

I do have issues when it comes to third-party relationships. As early as Grade 3, I have been exposed to unfaithfulness. I remembered locking myself in the bathroom and thinking how i could burn my father's mistress' house. I was young then; i didn't know where she lived. But i only have one thing in mind- burning her house down. Though i am not from a broken family, seeing my mother in pain, not just once, but countless times, I promised myself I will never be that home/relationship-wrecking person.  Aside from it being an imoral act, i know how hard it is to be caused by such pain. Thus, I ask the lord not to put me in that position.

Don't get me wrong, I do not judge people because they are paramours, but I just don't get why people are just do damn selfish and insensitive. Break up with him first you know before you go into something new with someone. It may hurt, but at least, you respected him by not two-timing and letting him look like a fool.

They say, "Love knows no boundaries." But shouldn't Love be kind and good, not just to the couple, but for those people around them? Love should not go beyond what is right and wrong for it to be kind and sincere, not just for the people around, but for the couple, and most especially God. 

Anyway, i wouldn't want to understand it, because understanding it would mean i have to be in that position. And i wouldn't want to be in that position. So i guess, there are just selfish people in this world. I'm not saying i'm not selfish. I can be selfish, but not to the point of stepping on other people. 

Point is: Live a life where you don't step on other people. 

Because I let you In.

Now i know why i'm having a hard time letting go. 

I have only a few friends- my highschool friends, college friends, friends from work. I am the type of person who doesn't easily let people in. And if i do, there are certain levels of where they stand. It hurts because i gave you access to everything. You had the superuser/root access. I opened up my life to you. And now, i'm having a hard time letting go. 

But in time, I will be okay. 

The End

There are a lot of things i want to say to you. But it doesn't and will not matter to you anymore. So i will just have to keep it all to myself and bury them as time goes by.


You are the first; and I used to believe, you are the greatest. I used to think of you as my soulmate. Thank you for everything. 


Farewell. 

To a new Beginning

I choose to be happy for others.

Repeat 1,000 times!

May 1, i shall start a new chapter of my life