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I gave you everything i could offer, and you just threw it all.
I trusted you, and you just lied to my face.
I put you in a pedestal, and you just set me aside.


Now I know who you really are
But why am i still in despair?
When would I ever go on?

Tsunami

You build up on something for a long time, invest all your assets and time and emotions and soul. And in just 1 day, everything crumbles down. Parang Japan lang at tsunami.

Heart Attack??

Fingers are shaking, body trembling.


Oh my God, i never thought this will happen to me. Everything  I have thought of you suddenly vanished. 


Honesty is all i asked. I never expected anything. Is it really that hard to give considering everything i have given?


Is it really very easy to throw everything away?


Tama nga naman ang kasabihang "time is gold". The very minute we ended it, you have found another beginning. 


The painful thing were realizing that I never knew you and you were never worth the risk. And its even more excruciating because I let it all happen.

Hormones

Today was an emotional Sunday. And I blame it all on the hormones.
I just hate the way you treat me now. If this is what friendship is to you, then I don't need it. I don't need you. You just wiped out 12 months by just 2 hours (and counting.) 


I just hate you now. Again, blame it all to my hormones.

Chicken Pie!

Mother wanted me to bake chicken pie and so, i did.


I used the recipe of croissant for the dough and chicken ala king for the filling. Though the product was acceptable, this was just a wrong move! haha Next time, I will just use the Chicken Pie recipe. 


Here is the finished product. 

Stuck.

Does hurting mean moving on? If it does, then can I just forget everything and go back to time where you never existed?

I never did regret all of it. But i just don't know what to do. I'm confused. I'm stuck. And i just want to go on. I thought i have, but then why does it hurt a lot???

I thought i have passed all the pain, but why does it hurt like the first time? I thought I am ready and am moving on, but why am i stuck now??

On the road to recovery

The last 6 months was a drag for me. Except for the adventures and meet-ups with my friends, I have been bored to death.

"Bored to death"- now I know what that means and how it feels!

To conquer boredom, I have been learning new recipes and playing Sudoku! how loser is that? haha! But this is the perfect time for me to find myself and start anew. I need a boost! I need adventure. I have realized, I want to be free! I want to travel, I want to just spend time hanging somewhere else other than home. Because that is who i am- I am adventurous.

I have also decided to go back to school. I am naturally competitive and although i am tamad, my drive to learn new things is creeping up to me. and i think this is the only way i can achieve what i want and better myself.

I will be on the road to recovery.

Cupcake turned Mamon!

I tried baking Red Velvet Cupcakes, and it turned out to be Red Velvet Mamon! haha

But i enjoyed making the icing. This is my first time to bake after 6 years? And first time to make cupcakes. It may have sucked-haha- but i will try again until i perfect the moist one! 

Here are the end result.

Thankful. 5.25.2008

Thank God it's over. I am glad I’ve been through it all, the stress, depression, etc. But I would not want to go through it all over again.


Thank God for love, patience, encouragement, hope and faith.


Thank God for Family. It made all the difference.


Thank God for Friends. Thank you for giving me friends/colleagues who would tell me straight what should be done; who would not think of me as different and less-of-a-friend, despite our differing… tradition perhaps? or maybe how we were brought up, or maybe our different family structure/situations? It’s irrelevant. I will bring you with me forever!


Thank God for Happiness. Weeeeeeee! It’s only been 5 days, but it feels like it’s been weeks or even longer. Just loving every moment of it.


-posted May 25, 2008 via Multiply

Thoughts. 2.10.2008

A lot has happened the past 2 weeks. A friend passed away and…Graduation. How distant can two significant events be?

1.                                                                             

It is only now that I know what wakes are for. Wakes are done for us to realize how important someone is for us, and to process and get over the loss, the pain and anguish of not seeing him for a long, long time. A friend of mine died, but it felt as if a family member died.

When my grandfather passed away 4 years ago, I remembered it was not as shocking as this for he was old and sickly. It was expected. I felt that it was time for him to escape the problems, and experience the luxuries in heaven. But during the early times after he was gone, it was hard getting over the habits. His seat in the dining table, his room, and every time we arrive from Manila to greet our grandparents, we realize then that he’s no where.

I’ve known RJ for only 5 months. But those 5 months felt as if I knew him for years. Seeing him in cosca was a habit. His corny jokes, *apirs*, wazzups, innocence and he himself was a habit to us. It came as a shock. Receiving chico’s text, “RJ’s gone” and hazi’s text, “la na si Rj”, I was in shock. We all were. We were not that close and did not know him compared to his other friends, but he made an impact in our lives. We haven’t seen him the way they did and they haven’t seen him the way we did. Indeed, we’re all at a loss.

We can never hold on to someone, forever. But the most we can do is hold on to the memories. I will forever be grateful for the good things you’ve shown me, and the memories that we’ve shared. Rj’s demise made us realize many things. He came into our lives with a purpose or so…

Thanks, friend!

2.

I am now a graduate. I am now a member of the work force, but it seems to me that I am still a kid, who asks for allowance every month. I do not save because my mom pays for everything. Hehe. And if ever I work, I am still not paying for stuff…haha! But seriously, after 4 years of laughter, hardwork???, and most especially TEARS, It’s all over. IT’s Done! At last…

In Marvin’s speech last Feb. 7 during the CBE recognition rites, all were true. The memories, though all were tiring and tough, yet it never makes us regretful. Our memories as BSA students will always be fun! haha… Waiting at ALVA for our bundles of photocopy, “which causes the flash floods” in the country, though tiring, it was when friendships started among colleagues; Offering each other OTs most especially during the Review module. It was when strangers talked.

We were strangers at the beginning, not knowing that other Accountancy block existed. But at the end, we were all acquaintances, if not friends. Strangers did talk.

‘A life’ versus ‘A life without regrets.’ – Marvin Chua.

We all had a life without regrets, at least I do. I will never regret whatever things that have happened in my college life.

To my blockmates, who are my first friends in college, thank You for accepting me. (though cliché as it may sound, it’s true!) I love you, all! <3

To my classmates, who became my friends, Thank You!!! You’ve added spice to my life. (Naks! Ahahaha!)

To acquaintances, who continue to stop and say ‘HI’ ever once in a while, Thank you! You made me feel important! Haha (feeling? Hahahahaha)

And mostly,

To my COSCA Family, I will forever be indebted for helping and inspiring me to be what I am now. You’ve helped me develop and better myself. Thank you! <3

-posted February 10, 2008 via Multiply

jdbvgfdgvbyfdvb. 9.15.2007

Nearby, looking for that familiar color

You were there, sitting…

Conversations take your time.

Eyes against your direction,

I’m not expecting for your attention

You were there, standing… an arm’s length away.

The sight of your rear is daunting.

Walking straight towards you, exceeding

To look back is tempting

Doubtfully, took a step ahead

Looking back, the sight of you waned away

Regrets do begin, but fear takes over desire

It’s okay.

The need to wake up arises

Reality ahead, “You’re just a stranger;

And I, a nobody.”

-posted September 15, 2007 via Multiply

Bizarre. 3.3.2008

"Sometimes, there is a thin line between civility and pretentiousness,

Outspoken and insensitive,

Proud and Arrogant,

Openness and weakness,

Naïve and snobbish,

Obliging and destructive,

Comical and sarcastic,

Heroic and egocentric.

The difference between each individual lies on how they draw the line."

- posted March 3, 2008 via Multiply

Unable.

I found this line on Twitter saying, "At some point, we all want things to stay the same, isn't?"


And i say, at some point, we want things to be different. 


I want things to be different. 


For the past few months, i have realized i have become a different person. And i don't want to be that person anymore. And i know i should let go and move on. But how do i even do that??


What is moving on anyway? does moving on mean forgetting- Forgetting all the happy, painful incidents? Or do we merely go on and bring along all happiness and pain? 


Here I am, unable to make that decision.