To a new Beginning

I choose to be happy for others.

Repeat 1,000 times!

May 1, i shall start a new chapter of my life 

:(

I know i've said that i will try not to be angry anymore. But i can't seem to stop the hurt from coming back, over and over again.
Its just not fair. When you're there, all happy; i'm here, crying all over again, just like the first time. I don't want and am not asking for you to live the sorry and sad life. But am i really not worth the truth? You could've saved me from all the pain i'm having right now, but you didn't. And sorry is just not enough.


I do not want to question God, but it makes me ask, do i really deserve this?  I know i'm not the perfect person anyone can have and i know i have a lot of flaws, but do i really deserve all this pain i'm feeling right now? Ever since, I've been trying to live a fair life. I am not perfect, but i've been living a straight life- A life where i believe i've been understanding, generous and sensitive to others. And this is what i get? 


Everything i've done to you, pain is what you repay me.  And i question myself, is that all that i'm worthy of?


I just cant stop myself from being angry. Not with anything else but for causing me this much pain. 

People

There are two kinds of people in our lives. 1- those who go in and out are the types who are born with a purpose, and 2- those who stay with you are the types who are born for a purpose and stand up to that purpose.


Well, some people are born to make you cry, disappoint you, make you angry. And others are born to correct that mistake. 

Goodbye, Friend

After being angry, i woke up one day and realized i'm tired of all the drama and anger. I am thankful for all the things you've done to me and all the learnings i have gained. I do hope you learned a lot from me as well.


I just miss the friend i used to say stories to. I miss the times when I have someone to rant things about. And you'd just listen and sympathize.


But i guess, that person/friend is gone now. And I know I have to move on. But why is it so hard to do so? I wish and want for this dilemma to end soon...

Work in Progress

Got these pics from some tumblr account.. hehehe

Everyday, i think of you. I imagine how it is when we see each other again. And everytime i do, i think maybe i'm ready? But looking into your fb page once again, everything i built and building came crashing down. And you seem to take pride in it. 

I hope moving on is as easy as you've done it. I am a work in progress. 

But i know i can do it. I just hope i can do it as quickly as you did.

Holy Week

This year marks the most meaningful holy week i've had. The past years, holy week was just a normal week, only, establishments and the malls are closed and people usually go home to the provinces or somewhere having a vacation. This year, I have realized the significance of holy week. 

Having experienced pain, I can only imagine what kind of pain Jesus has received in saving us. And so, i should not fret for the pain i have does not even equal to that He made and shouldered for us. 

Thank you lord for saving us... And for whatever reason this is happening to me, I shall receive. With whatever You give, there is nothing that i cannot handle.

April 18

Today was like a roller coaster ride- up and down of mixed emotions, but mostly of hatred. Then, just like a roller coaster, there is that sudden halt. 

It is ones choice whether you ride that roller coaster again. 

Farewell

"I'm trying to understand everything that happened so that i can let everything go. But i guess you don't care anymore. I guess we no longer have any connection or what. But before anything else, i wish you feel the pain i felt, tenfold. And when that time comes, think of me and how you caused me that much pain. I tried to understand you moving on, but i cant move on knowing you cheated. the very moment i thought you were busy with work, i was waiting. But then, you were just busy with someone else. If hating you will be the way to forget you, then i will. Don't act as if you're the victim cause you made me this way. And lastly, for someone who claims to be religious and prays the rosary everyday, i don't know what kind of morals you hold. It just dawned on me that you are not the person i knew before or i thought i knew. And now, its just too late to realize that."

Everyday

It has been 2 weeks, but I still think of you a lot...
Why do i still care when you no longer do?


I really hope this ends soon.

April

I'm really looking forward to May since i'm really excited to visit my friends in Manila. I miss Manila!!!


But there are also things that i am looking forward on April. 
April 16- entrance exam!!! I really hope i get in :)
April 29- Prince William's wedding! hahaha

Here's me talking to myself

Haven't you had enough? Stop na. Save yourself some pride. Ubos na nga diba? sasagarin pa? Tama na! 

Respect yourself naman!

butterflies

Is this normal? I still think of you a lot... I still have that gut feeling of butterflies flying in my stomach.


When will i ever forget about everything? I hope this ends soon... despite everything that have happened, I still do care for you. And I understand. i just don't know and understand why i still think of you...


I hope everything will be alright soon :)

:)

The next time you call, i'll make sure i answer it :) hahaha!

Acceptance?

I am moody. I change my mood every minute! At one point, I am hurting; the next thing you know, Im actually happy for them. In other instances, I feel both. 


April 5- 10:29 PM. I hope this feeling never ends. This feeling of being happy for him. The feeling of freedom. Is this acceptance? I hope it is :)

Screwed up world we have!

A line from the Greys Anatomy S07 Musical episode which struck me:
"I mean, is there a reason for this because if you can think of a reason, any reason at all why the universe is so screwed up and random and mean, now would be an amazingly good time to tell me because I really need some answers."- Meredith Grey

Apr 3

I've been hurt. It has been a week. Everything were so fast that i don't know how it all happened. 


I hate you, but at the same time, I sympathize. I don't know whether to dwell on anger or forgiveness, to fully heal. But then, i should expand my options to not caring. 


But how will i not care when every time i've spent with you was sincere. But then, that is really part of giving. When you give, you don't expect something in return. You care for someone because you're concerned and because of kindness perhaps? but when you do that, do not expect something in return. 


Perhaps this is the reason why i am having difficulty in moving; I am expecting all my efforts to be returned. But i am wrong. 


And so, I must move on without any expectations.